A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting
in it
told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.
During
an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor
asked her to
tell about herself.
She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever
had."
The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.
After the brunette
left in a snit, a blonde sat in the chair. The
professor asked him to tell
something of his life.
She began, "I think -"
The next thing she knew,
she was sitting in the floor.
A blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30
minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The
blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on
the back?"
A blonde lived on a farm. She didn't get many visitors, so I went to
see
him...when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in
the middle
of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he
was doing
standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he
was trying to
win a Noble Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but
what are you doing
in the paddock?" He replied, "I was reading the
newspaper, and it said all
you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize
was to be outstanding in your
field."
There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact mirror.
They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it.
The
first one opens it and says, "This person looks familiar"
The second one says,
"Let me see." She looks at her friend and says, "Silly, that's me!"
Two blonds walk into a bar, you'd think one of them would of seen it!
What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back!
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They were
running
along when they came upon a dock. On the dock were three
sacks. They could
hear the cops approaching, so the brunette
suggested that they get in the
sacks. So they got in the sacks right
before the cops arrived. A cop kicked
the sack with the redhead in it,
and she said, "Ruff, ruff, ruff!" he said,
"Oh, it's only a dog." He
kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she
said "Meow, meow, meow."
He said, "Oh, it's only a cat." Then, he kicked the
one with the
blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES, POTATOES, POTATOES!"
There was this blonde, and her house was on fire.
She called the fire department
to report the fire.
When the dispatcher asked her how to get to her house,
she
replied, "Duh...Use the big red truck!"
This blond was driving on the highway and there was a trucker in front of her.
She had to get into the lane that the trucker was in and she cut him off.
The
trucker decided she had been on the highway to long and told her to pull off to
the side.
The blond did this and waited until the trucker got out of his truck.
He got out of his truck carrying his pocket knife.
He told her to get out of her
car and she did this.
He ran back to his truck and grabbed a piece of chalk.
Then he drew a circle and told her to stay in it.
He got into her car and cut up
her leather seats.
When he turned around and looked at the blond she was
laughing.
He was furious, so he turned took his knife and cut out the seat belts
and all the wires.
Then he turned around and again the blond was laughing.
Now
the trucker was more furious than ever.
He took his knife and slashed all her
tires.
When he turned around the blond was laying on the ground laughing very
hard.
Finally he just said. "Why do you keep laughing when I turn around?", his
face bright red from anger.
Through big gasps of air from laughing she said.
"Every-time you turn around I stepped outside of the circle."
A blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the salesman, "Can I buy that TV?"
The owner answers, "I don't sell TV's to blondes!"
So the blonde dyes her
hair and asks the some question, but she gets the same answer.
So she shaves her
head and goes back and asks again, but yet again she gets the same answer.
"How did you know I was a blonde?" she asks."
"Because," he replies, "that's a microwave oven."
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
If you slap the mosquito
it stops sucking.
Why don't blonde pharmacists ever get coffee breaks?
Because it takes too long to retrain 'em.
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
~ she called me
to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice
box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead
because she wanted to make up her mind.
~she got stabbed in a
shoot-out.
~she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T
WALK."
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she
sat on the TV and watched the couch.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on
it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a
refund.
~ she got locked in a grocery store and starved
to death.
~ if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change
back.
~ under "education" on
her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
~ she tripped over a
cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!!
:)~>>>
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
~ at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she
put 'Sagittarius.'
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar
Store.
~ it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
~if she spoke
her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
~she studied for a blood
test.
~she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
~she thought
Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~she thought she needed a token to get on
Soul train.
~she sold the car for gas money.
~when she saw the
"NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
~
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved..
~thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when
she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned
around and went home.